In Which I Do The Stupid Resolutions Thing:

I've always been pretty disdainful of the idea of New Year's Resolutions. The notion of arbitrarily choosing the revolution of the Earth around the Sun as an excuse to become a better human being (y'know, as opposed to just wanting to be a better human being all the time) just seems a bit mad to me. Clutching at straws. But this year, I've decided that resolutions can actually be quite fun if you omit all the cliched "lose weight, quit smoking, care about bunnies and world peace" crap that normally flies around. You can use your resolutions to get more fun out of the year and, besides, if New Year's Resolutions are good enough for Woody Guthrie, they're damn well good enough for me! So, without further ado, here are my resolutions for the year of gaming ahead!

• Paint Models Faster Than I Buy Them: When it comes to painting Warhammer models, I am one of the most of the most lethargic and lazy people you'll find. I just can't be bothered doing it, which is a shame because I'm actually decent at it. The problem is that I love the finished product but the process of getting there is about as fun as dipping your nuts into a bundle of fibreglass (note to self: sounds kinky!). This isn't good when you buy many more models than you can paint and I find myself in the unenviable position of having essentially 3 armies (Dark Angels, Black Templars and Wood Elves) to paint, with no inclination to actually do any painting. So this year, I pledge to not buy any more models until I paint at least a full squad of the models I do have. Also, maybe by slowing down my purchasing, I'll be able to afford frivolous crap like food and clothes this year! WOOOO!
• Complete Videogames I've Not Finished: I'm looking at you, Dishonored. I have a stack of games I've yet to finish in my room and that stack is growing bigger all the time. I feel like I'm not getting my £30-£40 worth out of these games because I've often only completed them a third of the way through. They're not even bad games, or else I could totally justify not playing them. The likes of Dishonored, Diablo 3, GTA IV: The Lost and Damned and Kingdoms of Amalur sit uncompleted on the desk. Okay, so maybe Kingdoms of Amalur is shit (like, quite shit. As in "I could only physically stand it for three hours" shit), but the rest were great! Dishonored is one of the most fun, challenging games of 2012 yet, despite several attempts, I just run out of steam two thirds of the way through. In 2014, I'm finally going to punch through the wall and complete these games, games that deserve to be finished! Besides, do I really need another playthrough of GTA V? 

 

Yes. Yes I do.

• Give Assassin's Creed Another Chance: Although many reviewers marked it as a slightly weaker point in the series, Assassin's Creed III still got very respectable scores from the big games media and sold by the bucketload. I am yet to discern why, since I am of the opinion that Assassin's Creed III is easily the worst game in the series; a buggy, incoherent, boring and meandering mess of a videogame with some of the worst characters and writing I've ever seen. Every time Connor (your character) got wounded in a cutscene, I hoped they'd adhere to realism and have him contract some fatal infection that slowly drove him into a painful, feverish death (hey, it was Ye Olden Tymes!). He was such a mono-syllabic, underdeveloped and poorly acted character, I actually preferred the mopey Desmond Miles! The free-running was reduced to "hold R" and the combat was still an unsatisfying "counter-attack to win" kind of affair. How far the series has fallen since the outstanding Brotherhood. I vowed never to fall for this yearly cash-grab again. Yet now with Assassin's Creed: Black Flag conquering the high seas and being praised for its brisker pace and emphasis on exploration and naval combat (the on redeeming feature of its predecessor), I feel I was maybe too hasty in writing the whole series off. The game is gorgeous and the onus on exploration is very tempting. So this year, I reckon I'll give the Assassin's Creed franchise one last shot, for old time's sake. I'll buy Black Flag, maybe even review it here. Just don't let me down, Ubisoft, or I will... Well, not do much. Yeah.

 

• Game More: My final resolution is also my simplest. Put more time aside to play games and have fun. I won't bore you with the details but I've had a pretty shitty year and been diagnosed with depression. I felt somewhat like I was being swallowed up by a quagmire but games and Warhammer help take me out of that and lose myself in fantasy and adventure.  I appreciate now the true importance of taking time to just have fun and, basically, play pretend. It lets you step outside of your own awkward, uncomfortable skin for a while, instead putting you in the role of a brave hero, a mighty Space Marine or a violent gangster. It's important to do this once in a while to help us recharge our batteries! With that in mind, I'm going to spend more time in 2014 doing these things to help me recharge and chill out. I'm going to play more Warhammer and I'm going to use my Xbox for more than the odd blast on GTA V.

Anyway, those were my resolutions for 2014 with nary a "lose weight" or "work more with animals" to be found! Let's all take 2014 and kick the shit out of it.

Til next time.