Warhammer 40k: Motivation, Apocalyptic Mega Game and (JUST AS) PLANS!

So it's another of my woefully infrequent blog posts! Yes, it's one of those magical times where I drag my bloated bulk to the computer and spew out some words to give me some sense of accomplishment. YAY! Anyway, I thought I'd do a Warhammer 40k post since I've not been playing video games much of late. I'm massively upgrading my PC in a few months so, until then, gaming has taken a backseat.

This situation is probably for the better since, as usual, I have a HUGE backlog of Warhammer models to paint. Besides a chunk of my Dark Angels, I pretty much have 3 whole armies to paint from scratch (most of my Dark Angels, Dark Eldar and Wood Elves) and I've been working to put a dent in the pile. Of course, given that I paint at a pace comparable to the wind erosion of marble, I've not done as much as I'd like. Right now I'm about 66% of the way through painting a second tactical squad for my 3rd Company Dark Angels and I'm about a third of the way through a Dreadnought and Deathwing squad as well.

With such a huge backlog, finding the motivation to paint can be difficult. I often find myself sitting down at my table, half-heartedly applying a bit of Leadbelcher to some Space Marines then abandoning the pile of models in favour of... I dunno, ripping off my own skin or watching Songs of Praise or some shit. It's become a massive problem for me so I've decided to break up my painting time into lots of little micro-sessions throughout the day. Instead of planning to do a certain amount or batch paint all the weapons on a squad, I just paint for lots of 10 minute chunks all through the day and so far I'm finding it helpful! Well, it was either that or start freebasing crack to get me through marathon painting sessions. I don't know any crack dealers soooo...

Another thing that's helping me is the notion of painting a whole army list to a set deadline. I've been planning a 4000pt Apocalypse game against my brother's Orks at Christmas and the desire to actually field a decent looking army in time has been a pretty good motivator for me. It helps that I'm using a lot of small, very expensive units in this list (Imperial Knight, anyone?) so I've got a fair chance of finishing most of it in time, just as well since my brother's Orks look fantastic and they deserve some decent looking opponents.

Meh, good enough!

I'll wrap up this post with a little discussion of my future plans for my armies. I actually feel like I'm close to done with my Dark Angels. Some more Heavy Support and a couple more tactical squads and I'll be pretty content so once I've picked up a couple of Predators, Vindicators and Aegis Defence lines, my massive Unforgiven Host will be done for the foreseeable future. I'm actually in the same position with my Wood Elves since I never planned to have a huge fantasy army; another Treeman, some Wild Riders and a unit of Wildwood Rangers should round off my army nicely.

The main thing I'll be focussing on after my Dark Angels is my Dark Eldar. What started as an impulse buy has turned into a love affair with these perverted, cruel space-elves and I can't wait to assemble a huge piratical horde of them. I really adore the way their background is written and their aesthetic is my favourite of any Warhammer 40k army. I really have no planned limit for these guys and gals so I'll just keep adding cool stuff to them as long as there's cool stuff to add! They're really going to be a passion project for me and I'll take my sweet time getting them just right.

Anyway, that's my little hobby update post over!

Thanks for reading and Stay Beautiful.

Warhammer 40k: 7th Edition and the Imminent Falling of the Sky

Yes, it's that time again! A brand new edition of Warhammer 40,000 has leaked across the pages of the internet and, as expected, the doom-mongers are already hard at work; ranting about Games Workshop have broken Warhammer 40,000 forever and we all might as well play War Machine instead. Expected, but still a little depressing, since I believe this could be my favourite edition of Warhammer 40,000 yet.

But what do we actually know about 7th ed? Far too many people have extrapolated wild conclusions from the two pages of White Dwarf that have leaked online and the usual crowd have whipped up a negativity frenzy based on some deliberately vague and limited information. Seems a little churlish, eh? Anyway, here's a handy compendium of what we actually know. I won't venture into pointless conjecture about rules we know nothing or very little about, but I will give my opinion on each of the major changes.

 The Psychic Phase
Well, we know that 7th ed will shake up the order of the game with the return of a dedicated psychic phase. This phase will work in a similar fashion to Warhammer Fantasy's Magic Phase, with the leaked pages saying you roll for a random number of power dice at the start of the phase and add more based on the total of all your Psykers' mastery levels. It's stated that the enemy player can use the dice in their own pool to deny your attempt to cast a power. We also know that Perils of the Warp now involves rolling on a table to determine what happens to your psyker and it is hinted that Perils is now much more dangerous.

In addition to all of this, a new psychic discipline has been added; The Discipline of Daemonology. Interestingly, two forms of this discipline are mentioned; Sanctic and Malefic. Malefic Daemonology is confirmed to allow you to summon Daemonic entities though it is hinted that this comes with a high risk for your Psykers unless they're a Daemon themselves. It's unknown what Sanctic daemonology does and, frankly, I'm not really interested in speculating since that just generates buzz that, most often, turns out to be bullshit. The leaked pages don't offer more but what they give us obviously shows that the way Psychic abilities work in Warhammer 40,000 is being totally re-structured.

 From what we  know, this sounds like it could be a lot of fun. It certainly gives more prominence to Psychic powers which are normally a very minor part of the game. Hopefully this will incentivise people to field more Sorcerors, Librarians and Farseers to spice up their lists.

One thing I'm interested in is how armies like the Black Templars or Dark Eldar (both devoid of Psykers) will fit into this new paradigm. Once again, I won't speculate, but it raises interesting possibilities for two of my armies...

Tactical Objectives
The leaked pictures state that the 6 Eternal War missions will be present in the new book but now an additional 6 missions, branded "Maelstrom of War," will be on offer. These new missions use a new Tactical Objective system which consists of 36 objective cards. Although it doesn't go into much depth on how these work, the page says that players will have several different objectives in play at any given time and require them to meet specific conditions such as manifesting a psychic power or assassinating a psychic power. It states that players will have to think strategically, using the example of trying to simultaneously hold an objective while assassinating the enemy general on the other side of the board. Once an objective is achieved, a new one is drawn from the deck, ensuring the player is constantly having to adapt to changing battlefield conditions.

I'll say now that I utterly ADORE the idea of these dynamic objectives. Real warfare rarely has one set of static, unchanging objectives that are the same for both sides and this new system will lead to assymetrical play as both players strive to complete different objectives at once and adapt to new conditions as the game continues. It's narrative, it's more realistic and it breaks away from the "hold a static point and kill the enemy general to win" gameplay in the current missions.

Battleforged or Unbound?
This is the biggest change and the one responsible for almost all of the nerd-rage currently choking forums like a noxious fart. Basically, the new edition offerss you two ways to construct your army list. You can choose an Unbound list or a Battleforged one.

An Unbound list essentially does away with the Force Organisation Chart (FOC), allowing players to take whatever they want. They still have to stay within the squad-size limits and overall points limit of the game but other  than that, they're free to throw together whatever force they want. A Battleforged list retains the FOC and is described as "desirable" because it grants bonuses to the player using it. It's not stated whether these bonuses are only against unbound armies and what they actually are in the first place, so we'll have to wait until May 17th to find out what they are (alternatively, head to a forum for pointless wishlisting).

There is an "all-new" allies matrix and, although there is no detail given on this, it is confirmed that Unbound armies still have to stay within the limits of this matrix.

Personally, I rather like this change. People have been circumventing FOC since the dawn of 6th edition (making FOC changers like Belial slightly pointless) so it's nice to have it formalised. Unless your group is populated by the kind of arseholes that Screamerstars and Riptide spam lists, this presents an opportunity for fluffy, narrative lists like an Ultramarines armoured column led by Sgt Chronus or a Black Templar Sword Brethren strikeforce. The existence of Battleforged armies still allows you to play in the old-style so I see little point in the rage. Assuming you agree what you're doing beforehand with your opponent, this new approach to list-building only adds more options while still allowing you to agree with your opponent to play within the FOC.

It's a simple matter of refusing to play against broken spam lists and agreeing with your community on the kind of games you want to play. If it's really such a difficulty to talk to people work this stuff out with your opponents, I'm not sure an inherently social game like Warhammer 40,000 is for you.

Games Workshop has always said that it's up to you how you play, and if you need a strict, ultra-balanced and incredibly rigorous ruleset to have a good time, you're probably better off in a chess club.

Me? I'll be on the frontline, revelling in the glorious carnage as I smite my foes in the Emperor's name.

Stay beautiful and remember;

The Emperor Protects.

In Which I Make Excuses for Being Lazy, Amongst Other Things!

Hey there, all zero of my readers! Just flinging out a quick post to update y'all on things that be happening. First off, my Assassin's Creed IV review was delayed, mostly because I decided to give it a second playthrough to test it on its replayability (as well as just generally making sure my review is thorough and consistent), so be patient! It's coming! Inevitably, the delay on the Assassin's Creed review has done bad things to my planned review of XCOM: Enemy Within as well so keep an eye for that at some fuckin' point (in fairness, this has also been pushed back because I drastically underestimated how much new content is in this expansion and I still haven't finished it).

As far as other gaming stuff goes, I've been very much enjoying FTL: Faster Than Light, an absolute steal for the couple of quid I paid for it. It's a surprisingly deep, immersive game with a rock-solid diffiulty, requiring keen balance of resources and lightning reflexes. I heartily recommend it to any strategy fans on a budget. Also, I got into the Hearthstone closed beta (like 2 weeks before open beta, go figure) and have been loving every fucking moment of that heroin substitute that's been stupidly labelled a "game." I play regularly with a much more experienced friend and pretty much get my arse stomped every time, but with a game with as deep a mechanic as Hearthstone, you never feel like a loss wasn't fun. That's right, even being brutally dominated in this game is some of the best fun you can have on a PC without a bottle of lube and a sense of soul-crushing shame. I also have to praise Hearthstone's pay mechanic. The game is free to play but it never penalises you for being stingy. It's perfectly possible in this game to stick to free cards (you can regularly win booster packs for free anyway) and still crush your opponents.

Hearthstone addiction never just goooooes awaaaaaay (credit to @Forgetful_Heart for the image!)

Outside of games I've been keeping up with my Warhammer resolutions pretty well. I've just finished my centrepiece tank for my Black Templars: The personal Land Raider Crusader of High Marshall Helbrecht. I've also managed to squeeze in a couple of crusader marines though, unfortunately, I wasn't able to paint my Kill Team for the tournament (more on that later). I've also fallen for Warhammer Fantasy Battle. Hard. I'm currently sitting pretty at 1750 points of Wood Elves and I've persuaded a mate to start collecting Warriors of Chaos. If I pick up some Treekin, maybe he won't crucify me quite so badly. As to the Kill Team tournament, I changed my list from Templars/Damned to pure Legion of the Damned. This was a good move as my +3 invulnerable saves confounded many an opponent. I came a respectable 5th out of around 11 players after losing the battle to tie 3rd place (2 other dudes were in the same boat) but I was also one of only two players to beat an otherwise unstoppable Tyranid player with his Zoanthrope list. His AP3 psychic attacks were useless in the face of my ghostly  Damned marines and the game went right down to the wire. Literally every other player stopped to watch us play and they "ooohed" and gasped at the many twists and turns the battle took. Best game of 40k I ever played. Next time I'm going to heartily troll the opposition with a Ravenwing attack bike with a fleshbane Heavy Bolter.

Anyway, just thought I'd update to let youse know I'm not dead!

Stay sexy.

In Which I Keep My Resolutions

Hey all, just a quick update here on what I'm up to as far as this blog goes. First things first, I kept one of my resolutions and bought  Assassin's Creed IV with the intention of posting a review sometime in the next week and a bit. Initial impressions are that it's a lot more fun than AC III (not that such a thing would be difficult. I've known burn ward patients who were having more fun than I did playing that awful, awful game. Seriously, fuck that game.).

I'm also launching into my resolution to paint more models by aiming to have a 10-man Kill Team done for a tournament at my local Games Workshop on the 25th. Playing for prize vouchers has given me the incentive I needed to haul my bloated carcass to the painting station and whip something up.

 I will look exactly like this at the tournament.




 I recently bought a squad of Legion of the Damned so I'll be building my Kill Team around the notion of a battle-damaged, blood-spattered squad of Black Templars on Armageddon, about to overwhelmed and destroyed but for the divine intervention of the Damned Legionnaires. I'll be doing some light sculpting to add flames to the Legionnaires to enhance their ghostly appearance. Hopefully I can finish a Dark Angels Deathwing squad in the next fortnight too.

In addition to all that noise, I'm working on some more content for this blog as I've decided to actually make a fair go of this thing instead of just lazily adding something whenever I get bored. I'll be writing up something about my first game of Warhammer Fantasy Battle next week; not a battle report but just my initial impressions on WHFB. I'll also be aiming to do a review on XCOM: Enemy Within about a week and a half after my Assassin's Creed IV review.

Anyway, keep your eyes peeled for future content, cock-noses!

In Which I Do The Stupid Resolutions Thing:

I've always been pretty disdainful of the idea of New Year's Resolutions. The notion of arbitrarily choosing the revolution of the Earth around the Sun as an excuse to become a better human being (y'know, as opposed to just wanting to be a better human being all the time) just seems a bit mad to me. Clutching at straws. But this year, I've decided that resolutions can actually be quite fun if you omit all the cliched "lose weight, quit smoking, care about bunnies and world peace" crap that normally flies around. You can use your resolutions to get more fun out of the year and, besides, if New Year's Resolutions are good enough for Woody Guthrie, they're damn well good enough for me! So, without further ado, here are my resolutions for the year of gaming ahead!

• Paint Models Faster Than I Buy Them: When it comes to painting Warhammer models, I am one of the most of the most lethargic and lazy people you'll find. I just can't be bothered doing it, which is a shame because I'm actually decent at it. The problem is that I love the finished product but the process of getting there is about as fun as dipping your nuts into a bundle of fibreglass (note to self: sounds kinky!). This isn't good when you buy many more models than you can paint and I find myself in the unenviable position of having essentially 3 armies (Dark Angels, Black Templars and Wood Elves) to paint, with no inclination to actually do any painting. So this year, I pledge to not buy any more models until I paint at least a full squad of the models I do have. Also, maybe by slowing down my purchasing, I'll be able to afford frivolous crap like food and clothes this year! WOOOO!
• Complete Videogames I've Not Finished: I'm looking at you, Dishonored. I have a stack of games I've yet to finish in my room and that stack is growing bigger all the time. I feel like I'm not getting my £30-£40 worth out of these games because I've often only completed them a third of the way through. They're not even bad games, or else I could totally justify not playing them. The likes of Dishonored, Diablo 3, GTA IV: The Lost and Damned and Kingdoms of Amalur sit uncompleted on the desk. Okay, so maybe Kingdoms of Amalur is shit (like, quite shit. As in "I could only physically stand it for three hours" shit), but the rest were great! Dishonored is one of the most fun, challenging games of 2012 yet, despite several attempts, I just run out of steam two thirds of the way through. In 2014, I'm finally going to punch through the wall and complete these games, games that deserve to be finished! Besides, do I really need another playthrough of GTA V? 

 

Yes. Yes I do.

• Give Assassin's Creed Another Chance: Although many reviewers marked it as a slightly weaker point in the series, Assassin's Creed III still got very respectable scores from the big games media and sold by the bucketload. I am yet to discern why, since I am of the opinion that Assassin's Creed III is easily the worst game in the series; a buggy, incoherent, boring and meandering mess of a videogame with some of the worst characters and writing I've ever seen. Every time Connor (your character) got wounded in a cutscene, I hoped they'd adhere to realism and have him contract some fatal infection that slowly drove him into a painful, feverish death (hey, it was Ye Olden Tymes!). He was such a mono-syllabic, underdeveloped and poorly acted character, I actually preferred the mopey Desmond Miles! The free-running was reduced to "hold R" and the combat was still an unsatisfying "counter-attack to win" kind of affair. How far the series has fallen since the outstanding Brotherhood. I vowed never to fall for this yearly cash-grab again. Yet now with Assassin's Creed: Black Flag conquering the high seas and being praised for its brisker pace and emphasis on exploration and naval combat (the on redeeming feature of its predecessor), I feel I was maybe too hasty in writing the whole series off. The game is gorgeous and the onus on exploration is very tempting. So this year, I reckon I'll give the Assassin's Creed franchise one last shot, for old time's sake. I'll buy Black Flag, maybe even review it here. Just don't let me down, Ubisoft, or I will... Well, not do much. Yeah.

 

• Game More: My final resolution is also my simplest. Put more time aside to play games and have fun. I won't bore you with the details but I've had a pretty shitty year and been diagnosed with depression. I felt somewhat like I was being swallowed up by a quagmire but games and Warhammer help take me out of that and lose myself in fantasy and adventure.  I appreciate now the true importance of taking time to just have fun and, basically, play pretend. It lets you step outside of your own awkward, uncomfortable skin for a while, instead putting you in the role of a brave hero, a mighty Space Marine or a violent gangster. It's important to do this once in a while to help us recharge our batteries! With that in mind, I'm going to spend more time in 2014 doing these things to help me recharge and chill out. I'm going to play more Warhammer and I'm going to use my Xbox for more than the odd blast on GTA V.

Anyway, those were my resolutions for 2014 with nary a "lose weight" or "work more with animals" to be found! Let's all take 2014 and kick the shit out of it.

Til next time.

Warhammer 40,000 Post: I Fear Nothing For I Am Fear Incarnate!

See that dude? The badass with the pistol in one hand, a mace in the other and a metric fuckton of badassery emanating from his eyes? That's a Chaplain. More specifically, Chaplain Grimaldus of the Black Templars, a particularly zealous chapter of Warhammer 40,000's trademark Space Marines (If you know nothing of Warhammer, a rough idea of the Black Templars would be to imagine extremely well-equipped, fanatically religous Space-Nazis with lashings of the Catholic Crusaders thrown in for good measure. They hate everything. They express that hate with gunfire and blades.).

These guys, basically priests with GUNZ in SPEHSS, are one of my favourite things in 40k if we're talking background and lore, but are consistently shite on the tabletop. In the fluff, Chaplains are warriors so full of cold hatred that they will think nothing of charging enemy positions on their own, screaming prayers as they manically hack apart anything that gets within half a mile. They posess a willpower so strong that they can supress the pain of something as trifling as losing a limb, fighting on as if nothing happened at all. They are uncompromising in their faith and loyalty, some of the greatest champions of the greatest warriors in the galaxy. In a word; badass.

Why then, on the tabletop, do they have one of the most underwhelming profiles of any model in the Space Marine roster, especially when compared to their image in the wider lore? They only have 2 attacks on their profile, as well as two wounds and a +4 invulnerable save. Apart from the mediocre invulnerable save and extra wound, chaplains don't really have much to separate them from a veteran sergeant in close combat.

In addition, chaplains suffer from a primary weapon that becomes deadweight when facing any kind of enemy in power armour, their Crozius Arcanums having a middling armour piercing value of 4. Back in earlier editions of 40k, all power weapons were capable of tearing Terminator armour apart, now a Chaplain's Crozius is relegated to smooshing weakling Eldar or Tau.

Where Chaplains do bring something to the game (and something that's consistent with the bakground) is in their ability to make friendly units that they join Zealous with their fiery oratory, granting them considerable buffs when charging into melee. That's cool. That's an example of how to make a model consistent with fluff, without making it overpowered.

So how would I improve Chaplains? Well it'd involve a fair hike in points cost but bring pretty good buffs in return. I would represent the fury and zeal of these warrior-monks by giving them extra attack for one thing, possibly even throwing the Rage special rule into the bargain (or Furious Charge or even Hammer of Wrath). Sorry, but for what are supposed to be rage-fuelled slaughter-machines, two attacks isn't enough. I'd also give them Feel No Pain (+6). This wouldn't be hugely useful, but it would at least represent their well-documented ability to shrug off otherwise debilitating injuries. Finally (and this is the most important addition if we want Chaplains that are actually useful), I'd give the Crozius the same profile as a power sword. Yes, we'd lose the large bonus to strength that we currently have, but that's a worthy trade for a weapon that actually does stuff against Chaos Space Marines. You'd definitely have to raise the basic cost of a Chaplain for all this (perhaps to around 120-130pts), but it would certainly make the choice between them and a far-superior yet equally-priced Captain a lot less easy.

What do you guys think? Am I just wishlisting here or do you agree that Chaplains are in dire need of a boost?

Warhammer 40k: APOCAPIZZA! Scenario and Setup (09/08/2013)

So today was my first game of Warhammer 40k: Apocalypse and it was certainly an eductional experience. It was also a crapload of fun, hanging about with the various gaming denizens of Glasgow as we blasted bloody chunks out of each other with as much weaponry as we could muster! As the title of this post implies, we ordered in some pizza (and pakoras!) and settled in for the most memorable session of gaming I've ever had. 

A few words about the set-up, this scenario was fought on two separate boards (units could travel off the edge of one board and onto the other). An Inquisitorial research facility had been captured by the forces of the traitor legions of Chaos and the Daemonic entities of the warp. A huge Imperial army consisting of Dark Angels, Space Wolves and Imperial Guard, supported by detachments of Blood Angels and the feared Grey Knights of the Inquisition had been tasked with taking it back, at all costs. The Inquisitorical facility was located in area ravaged by warp storms and, as such, any deep-striking units in this area were forced to scatter by 3d6 with no modifications allowed. Victory points were award for killing an enemy warlord, for first blood, for control of the research facility and a tower on the second board and for every loyalist unit who moved through the daemonic gates to the warp-corrupted area of the board. I was playing as a Dark Angels contingent on the secondary board and had Azrael with a Command Squad, Belial, a Librarian and an Interrogator Chaplain leading 10 Deathwing, 5 Deathwing Knights, 2 Tactical Squads, a Devastator Squad, a Land Raider Crusader, a Dreadnought, a Vindicator and some Scouts.

The staff member on hand, Scott, played the role of  a Lord Inquisitor, in charge of orbital bombardments that affected each side equally, with great aplomb, also announcing the passage of turns and the divine intervention of both the Chaos Gods and the Divine Emperor of Mankind.

                                          The very crowded deployment on my board. The Imperial Guard absolutely swarmed 
                                                        the place with tanks.






Setup

On the main table stood a research facility infested with the daemons of Nurgle (led by a Great Unclean One and three Daemon Princes of Nurgle) and defended by a horde of Chaos Space Marines of the Black Legion and Death Guard. Nurgle had truly vomited forth a loathsome and putrescent swarm and the air was bloated with plague. Facing them down were the brave Astartes of the Space Wolves and Blood Angels, led by Logan Grimnar, the Great Wolf. Land Raider engines rumbled, the engines of a Storm Talon flyer roared into life and the Sons of Fenris  looked to their brothers and gave thanks for the fierce valour of their comrades while the grim visages of the Blood Angels offered no hint of hesitation or fear.

A few miles away Horus, Angron, Fulgrim and Mortarion; 4 of the legendary traitorous Primarchs themselves, led a a huge horde of cultists, Obliterators, Mutilators, Terminators, Heldrakes, Helbrutes and even a Khornate Lord of Skulls. The traitors had even invoked the favour of the Blood God to summon a Greater Daemon of Khorne and the mighty Greater Daemon Skarbrand.
Only the bravest of warriors would sally forth to meet this dark host and yet meet them the soldiers of the Imperium did. Two detachments of Imperial Guard, bristling with tanks and weaponry, offered prayers to the Emperor as they nobly prepared to lay down their lives in His service. They even deployed two of the legendary Baneblade Super-Heavy battle tanks, earning their reputation as the hammerblow of the Imperium.
The Dark Angels, always driven by righteous fury and zeal, deployed almost the entirety of their leadership to meet the foe, standing at the head of a force of marines from the 3rd and 5th companies, with large numbers of the Deathwing and Ravenwing waiting in reserves, ready to flank and destroy their hated enemy.
The Blood Angels, splitting their forces, deployed a Sanguinary Guard unit, a revered Land Raider Redeemer and a unit of the cursed Death Company, led by the grim figure of Mephiston, the Lord Death. Ready to sell their lives dearly, the Blood Angels looked to the sky in amazement as the mythical figure of the Sanguinor descended on angelic wings to join the sons of Sanguinius.

Above the atmosphere of the wartorn planet, an unseen figure readied himself to enact the Divine Emperor's will, even if that involved the sacrifice of the Imperial Forces on the surface below. The traitors could not be allowed to gain access to the knowledge contained in the captured facility and if the circumstances called for it, the Lord Inquisitor was more than willing to obliterate the surface of the planet. Sacrifice was, after all, the lifeblood of the Imperium.

The lines were drawn. Battle would be met. Bloody carnage would be wrought on a planetary scale as the forces of Order and Chaos clashed.

The Apocalypse had begun.

Thus concludes the Scenario and Setup section of this multi-entry battle-report. Check in regularly for future updates!